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我的语言

我出生在四川南溪,一个位于宜宾边上的小县城。但是我并不会说南溪话,因为父母都在一个从重庆调来的军工厂工作。那个年代的军工厂俨然就是一个独立的小社区,从医院到学校都是厂里自己的。厂里的人在(南溪)本地人面前有一种优越感,觉得自己是(重庆)城里人,只是为了支援三线建设,才到此苦寒之地。所以南溪话是不屑于说的,一口标准的重庆话就是高人一等的标志。虽然我父母说的都不是标准的重庆话,一傅众咻,我却操一口地道的重庆腔。因此,严格来说,我的母语是重庆话,也就是西南官话的重庆方言。

直到我七岁那年,全家搬到了绵阳。

绵阳的小朋友迅速注意到了我的重庆口音,毫不犹豫地开始取笑我。给我印象极深的就是“很多”这个常用形容词,重庆话说“he1 duo1”。我从小就是个很敏感的人,所以暗下决心,一定要学会绵阳话。几个星期之后,已经没有人能听得出我以前是说重庆话的了。

Story of my life.

考上清华以后,我的普通话立刻被北方同学嘲笑了。他们说我说普通话的时候不像在聊天,像在演讲。这是因为那个时候四川的学校里,老师还是用方言授课,只有在语文课念课文的时候,才会说普通话。我是个很敏感的人,所以暗下决心,一定要学会北京话。(我有意地模仿离我最近的北京人,也就是著名的waikok。以至于多年以后有个人跟我说,“你说话怎么跟waikok一个味儿呀”,我会心地笑了。)几个月之后,已经没有人能听得出我是四川人了。(最让我得意的是,在美国跟中国同学玩的时候,不止一次有北京人想认我当老乡。)

来到美国以后,才知道自己的英文口语有多烂。但是美国的同学很有礼貌,并没有因此嘲笑过我,只是不断地需要说"pardon"/"sorry"/"say it again"来确认。然而我是个很敏感的人,所以暗下决心,一定要学会美国英语。(我拼命看美国电视练听力,以至于什么垃圾节目我都看过。知道"Jerry Springer Show"是干嘛的吗?我还上了一门ESL的口语课,在一位慈祥的美国老太的帮助下,彻底纠正了非英非美的发音。)几年以后,虽然人家还是能听出我不是native speaker,但是说"pardon"的次数明显减少,而且有不止一位美国人真心地称赞过我的英文口语。

博士毕业之后找工作,机缘巧合地来到了Montréal。正如一个只会说普通话的人来到了广东,虽然大多数人也会说普通话,但是不会说广东话总会让你觉得自己与此地格格不入。把普通话换成英语,广东话换成法语,就是我在Montréal的情景。我依然是个很敏感的人,所以暗下决心,一定要学会法语。然而公司本部在美国,英语是工作语言,所以一直进步很慢。

每学一门新的语言,就会忘掉一部分旧的。所以我的重庆话已经记不得了,我的绵阳话已经被绵阳的同学嘲笑了。幸好老婆是成都人,总算又找回来了一点。

然而每学一门新的语言,就像戴上了一层面具。所以在国外遇到一个亚裔,首先会说英文;等确认对方是中国人、说普通话的时候,才会换成普通话;如果遇到了四川老乡,就可以再换成四川话。整个过程好像摘掉层层面具,越来越亲切,越来越真实。

女儿出生了,叫文文。我抱着她,喜悦之情不可名状,脱口而出的竟然是:

“文女子!乖得很喏!”

——重庆话。我以为我已经忘了,原来还剩那么一点点,埋藏在记忆的最深处。

2012/09/22

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